This is a collaborative post.
You may have noticed this blog has been a little quiet in recent weeks. Or as my plummeting views seem to suggest no one has noticed because no one is reading. Except you IP 188.8.131.52. I see you.
Anyway there have been lots of reasons for my lack of witty yet informative posts on parenting and all the joys the kid life brings. Actually there’s been two. One the Newbie doesn’t sleep. Ever. And two I’m in the process of moving house. In fact I’m moving house tomorrow so obviously I’m completely organised and typing this post in between updating my ‘Moving House’ spreadsheet and labelling cardboard boxes. Or not. I’ll let you decide.
As I’ve been neglecting this ‘ere blog I thought I’d end my writing drought by sharing with you some wisdom on how to move house. You can thank me later.
1. Choose a convenient date to move on a weekend where lots of people are free to help and not at all near a public holiday. Now forget that date and rearrange moving to three days after Christmas. Much better.
2. Convince yourself you can drive a van all by yourself because fuck the patriarchy. Realise you probably can’t and arrange a wo/man with van. If you don’t know any such useful person then try Shiply to compare quotes and find someone you can trust.
3. Order shit loads of new furniture to be delivered before you move in because nothing says ‘welcome to your new home’ like piles of flat pack mdf and incomprehensible instructions.
5. Guilt trip family and friends into helping you move with some sob story or other. I find this one works particularly well.
6. Be frugal and save £40 by agreeing to self-install your cable tv and broadband even though you have no idea what you’re doing and you can’t access the how-to guides because they’re all online and you don’t have any fricking internet yet.
7. Ditch the kids with your mum because no good can come of having a baby and pre-schooler around during the move.
8. Live life dangerously and pack precisely nothing until the morning of the move.
9. Live life even more dangerously and deconstruct and then reconstruct your furniture without any of the original instructions and armed only with one slightly too small allen key.
10. Plan to end the day with pizza because, if nothing else, at least that gives you something to look forward to.
What could possibly go wrong tomorrow?