Symptoms of Chicken Pox Parents

If you’ve been anywhere near my Instagram in the last week you’ll know I’ve been parenting a child who has succumbed to the dreaded chicken pox. If you haven’t been near my Instagram then why the hell not? Unless you’re saying you don’t want to see slightly out-of-focus photos of my children and ill-advised selfies? Interesting.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes chicken pox. I’m sure we all know the real symptoms of chicken pox (if you’ve come here for actual medical advice then you are going to be disappointed) but what about the symptoms of chicken pox parents? Those of us who have to nurse the poxy ones whilst maintaining some semblance of personal hygiene and sanity? Don’t we deserve some tea and hardcore drugs sympathy too? Well the answer to that is yes, yes we do. So I’ve compiled a list of symptoms of chicken pox parents to help you spot us and give us smile, a hug and maybe a shot of vodka.

Gentle rocking and vacant stare…

…often accompanied by sobbing

Enlarged eye bags…

…tend to disappear in 10 – 15 years

Rapid speech…

…when the opportunity to speak to another adult occurs.

Compulsive shopping…

…of ridiculous overpriced kids magazines, Calpol, Poxclin and porridge oats.

Evasive body language…

…usually exhibited on day 5 at the park and accompanied by a child covered head to toe in layers so no spots can be seen.

Manic laughter…

…when someone suggests that getting chicken pox is a good thing

Delirium…

…when forced to make a decision about something other than what episode of Scooby Doo to watch next

Unbridled joy…

…at the prospect of getting out of the house on their own to buy milk

Murderous glare and muttering…

…usually directed at the child who had chicken pox last week

Smug facial expression…

…when chicken pox next does the rounds

 

And if you are in the midst of a chicken pox outbreak may the odds be ever in your favour.

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