The Twelve Days Postpartum – An Ode

Now I may be a little past the twelve days postpartum, in fact I’m almost twelve weeks, but I feel I’ve got enough distance from that immediate post birth period to make light of those heady heady days. And as Christmas is approaching (kind of) I thought I’d celebrate that most magical of times by composing this ode to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas. And if that sounds familiar it’s because I did something similar here but then imitation is the best form of flattery and I really like complimenting myself.

The Twelve Days Postpartum

On the first day postpartum my body gave to me:
A sore swollen vagina

On the second day postpartum my body gave to me:
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the third day postpartum my body gave to me:
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the fourth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the fifth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a core swollen vagina

On the sixth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the seventh day postpartum my body gave to me:
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the eighth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Eight phantom baby kicks
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the ninth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Nine extreme mood swings
Eight phantom baby kicks
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the tenth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Ten days of bleeding
Nine extreme mood swings
Eight phantom baby kicks
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the eleventh day postpartum my body gave to me:
Eleven failed attempts at pooping
Ten days of bleeding
Nine extreme mood swings
Eight phantom baby kicks
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

On the twelfth day postpartum my body gave to me:
Twelve folds of loose skin
Eleven failed attempts at pooping
Ten days of bleeding
Nine extreme mood swings
Eight phantom baby kicks
Seven mental breakdowns
Six clumps of hair lost
(all together now) Five painful wees
Four hot flushes
Three bouts of cramping
Two cracked nipples
And a sore swollen vagina

#cherisheverymoment

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