The Ten Commandments of BlogOn

Last weekend I went to my first BlogOn conference held at Hotel Football in Manchester. I’d heard great things about this conference (primarily about the size of the goody bag) and as it’s only down the road from me I thought I’d treat myself to a ticket and see what all the fuss was about. I was not disappointed. It was great to meet up with all the awesome bloggers who have supported me through some really tough times recently (and still are because that shit really does keep hitting the bastard fan) and to chat with some lovely brands. But it soon became clear that to make the most of BlogOn there are certain rules or commandments that should be obeyed:

 

1. Thou Shalt Not Steal

Just calm the fuck down and put that robo-baby back.

2. Thou Shalt Not Only Buy £5 Worth of Raffle Tickets

I did kind of wonder why the people in front of me in the sausage bap queue (not a euphemism) were shelling out £30 on raffle tickets. Seemed a bit extreme for chance to win some Radox and a bottle of bubbly. Turns out the raffle is much more than that. SO much more and £5 worth of tickets is not going to win you that Paw Patrol Lookout toy.

3. Thou Shalt Not Wear A Jumper

Who knew Hotel Football was the epicentre of rising global temperatures and was in fact hotter than the sun? Not me in my polyester Christmas knit.

4. Thou Shalt Not Run Out of Phone Battery

Because if you do you’ll have no photos to include in your post-BlogOn post. Worst. Blogger. Ever.Ten Commandments of BlogOn

5. Thou Shalt Not Tell A PR You’ve Never Heard of Their TV Show

They look sad and then refuse to let you take a goody bag. Then I look sad.

6. Thou Shalt Not Ask The Old Trafford Steward For Help

You bloggers think you can just turn up here with your fancy blogging ways and wheely suitcases expecting directions to be given to you on a plate. Well you’re wrong sister. Old Trafford Steward just ain’t got time for your shit.

7. Thou Shalt Not Drive

There is wine at BlogOn. Free wine.

8. Thou Shalt Not Admit That You’ve Not Heard Of Each Other’s Blog

Big Blogger: Oh hi, nice to meet you. Sorry I can’t quite read your name badge.

Me: I’m Suzanne, I write the blog ‘and another ten things’

Big Blogger: Oh right…yeah…I’ve heard of your blog. It’s really…great.

No you haven’t heard of it. No one’s heard of it. Not even my mum has heard of it. But thanks for pretending.

9. Thou Shalt Not Take A Baby With You

They totally steal your focus. Why don’t you want to smell MY head female blogger? Why?

10. Thou Shalt Not Mix With Vegans At Lunchtime

They have a special buffet for special people on a separate floor. And they have chips. Bastards.

And here endeth the lesson.

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4 Comments

  1. I really like this post. Not only because I just wrote a 10 commandments post which isn’t yet live, and that yours is very funny, but also because it’s so honest. I tried to tell people to wear a t-shirt under their jumper, I promise!! 😀
    Sorry about the steward – everyone I encountered was as helpful as they could be – that’s disappointing.
    Thank you for writing, it’s a great post 🙂
    Jenny – on behalf of myself and the BlogOn Team

  2. Chuckled away at this (which is precarious in my current rotund state) I have yet to attend any type of blogger conference, because I am shit scared of looking like a dickhead, which is common practise for me. But that said…free wine. Hehe I would have given both you and baby a sniff and a cuddle. xx

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