Last weekend I went to my first BlogOn conference held at Hotel Football in Manchester. I’d heard great things about this conference (primarily about the size of the goody bag) and as it’s only down the road from me I thought I’d treat myself to a ticket and see what all the fuss was about. I was not disappointed. It was great to meet up with all the awesome bloggers who have supported me through some really tough times recently (and still are because that shit really does keep hitting the bastard fan) and to chat with some lovely brands. But it soon became clear that to make the most of BlogOn there are certain rules or commandments that should be obeyed:
1. Thou Shalt Not Steal
Just calm the fuck down and put that robo-baby back.
2. Thou Shalt Not Only Buy £5 Worth of Raffle Tickets
I did kind of wonder why the people in front of me in the sausage bap queue (not a euphemism) were shelling out £30 on raffle tickets. Seemed a bit extreme for chance to win some Radox and a bottle of bubbly. Turns out the raffle is much more than that. SO much more and £5 worth of tickets is not going to win you that Paw Patrol Lookout toy.
3. Thou Shalt Not Wear A Jumper
Who knew Hotel Football was the epicentre of rising global temperatures and was in fact hotter than the sun? Not me in my polyester Christmas knit.
4. Thou Shalt Not Run Out of Phone Battery
Because if you do you’ll have no photos to include in your post-BlogOn post. Worst. Blogger. Ever.
5. Thou Shalt Not Tell A PR You’ve Never Heard of Their TV Show
They look sad and then refuse to let you take a goody bag. Then I look sad.
6. Thou Shalt Not Ask The Old Trafford Steward For Help
You bloggers think you can just turn up here with your fancy blogging ways and wheely suitcases expecting directions to be given to you on a plate. Well you’re wrong sister. Old Trafford Steward just ain’t got time for your shit.
7. Thou Shalt Not Drive
There is wine at BlogOn. Free wine.
8. Thou Shalt Not Admit That You’ve Not Heard Of Each Other’s Blog
Big Blogger: Oh hi, nice to meet you. Sorry I can’t quite read your name badge.
Me: I’m Suzanne, I write the blog ‘and another ten things’
Big Blogger: Oh right…yeah…I’ve heard of your blog. It’s really…great.
No you haven’t heard of it. No one’s heard of it. Not even my mum has heard of it. But thanks for pretending.
9. Thou Shalt Not Take A Baby With You
They totally steal your focus. Why don’t you want to smell MY head female blogger? Why?
10. Thou Shalt Not Mix With Vegans At Lunchtime
They have a special buffet for special people on a separate floor. And they have chips. Bastards.
And here endeth the lesson.