Guest Post: Ten Songs You Don’t Want Your Kids Singing

Holla, it’s another guest post time. This week it is from the rather magnificent Anna from  Me, Annie BeeSharing her views, reviews and weekly wine tasting Anna’s blog is well worth a visit.

But now for your reading pleasure Anna brings you those songs you really don’t want your kids singing…

There’s nothing like a nice family sing-along in the car is there? You put on the radio, your small ones have songs they love. Your heart melts a little at their singing so you go home and find those very same songs on YouTube in order to please your aspiring pop star/get a cute video for social media/eat cake in peace. You start recording/eating only to discover the lovely little ditty isn’t as innocent as you thought.

Cake by the Ocean – DNCE

How can this even be offensive? It’s about a picnic at the seaside, surely!

“Talk to me, baby
I’m going blind from this sweet, sweet craving, whoa
Let’s lose our minds and go fucking crazy”.

No one wants them singing that to grandma.

Shout Out for my Ex – Little Mix

So, the radio version is the album version but still.
No one wants to hear their six year old singing

“I hope she gettin’ better sex
Hope she ain’t fakin’ it like I did, babe”.

Smile – Lily Allen

Not quite as ‘Happy’ as the title suggests.When we play this in the car we have to shout KISSING really loud at the inappropriate moment. It’s like Rory and I have safe word tourrettes or something.

“When you first left me
I was wanting more
But you were KISSING that girl next door”

Forget You – Cee Lo Green

You know the one, the chipper tune about his girl going off with another man because he wasn’t quite rich enough. Where the radio edit would suggest old Cee Lo is a bit pissed off but going to brush himself off and get on with it. The album version suggests he’s holding on to a lot more anger.
A LOT more.

All About the Bass – Meghan Trainor

Yes, she’s standing up for the curvier ladies. She’s bringing sexy back. She’s empowering women.I still don’t need Aoife singing

“Go ‘head and tell them skinny bitches that”

Not only do I not want her singing ‘bitches’ but body shaming works both ways Meghan. Don’t be so…uncool!

Just Like a Pill – Pink

To be fair, this whole song is probably a bit dubious for a child even before Ms Moore drops in the odd ‘bitch’ here and there. It’s just a right catchy tune and Aoife likes to belt it out.

LDN – Lily Allen

No swears in this one, thanks Lily. Just another of those wonderfully cheery, catchy summer songs that finds your angel singing about the delights of living in a city. The pimp, his ‘crack whore’ and the little old dear getting mugged. Totes inappropes.

Love me like you – Little Mix

This time it’s that song with the 60s type vibe, all “sha-la-lala, sha-la-lala” You know the one.

“Doesn’t mean he can drive me wild or go for miles”
“You’ve got that nasty, that’s what I want”
“Love the way you give it to me”

Full house in ‘things I don’t want my child to say’ bingo!

Friday Night – Katy Perry

To be honest, it sounds like she had a good one. I’m probably a little envious that my Friday nights aren’t quite as debaucherous. She did shots, streaked, skinny dipped, had a threesome and woke up with a stranger. All the things I don’t want Aoife doing EVER, never mind singing it now like it was her actual weekend.

Back to Black – Amy Winehouse

So, this one was a mistake on so many levels. We successfully navigate around the penis mention and references to drug use. Then we watch the video:
“Mummy, why is she sad?”
“Well, she broke up with her boyfriend”
“What’s she got in that box?”
“Ummm, I THINK it’s meant to be her heart”
“Why is she burying her heart?”
“It’s meant to suggest she is so sad that her heart broke so she buried it”
“She is so sad her heart DIED? Does your heart die if you get really sad?”
*trauma face*
“Umm, no just that… Shall we put Cbeebies on?”


Teletubbies say ‘Eh Oh’ anyone?

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