CBeebies’ Stars: Where Are They Now

Looking back, 2017 truly was a golden year for children’s television, especially CBeebies. If we weren’t playing fast and loose with the works of Beatrix Potter we were getting all fruity about the size of a fake northerner’s veggies. But twenty years later, have you ever wondered what happened to your’s and your children’s favourite CBeebies stars? Well wonder no more as we divulge what the stars of yesterday have been up to over the last two decades.

Topsy and Tim

After a failed Eurovision attempt with their South American flavoured ‘It Takes Two to Tango’ and a family breakdown following mother Joy’s affair with a notorious East End business man, the twins left show business. Tim now runs the family mini-bus business with his dad and is married to Tony Welch whilst Topsy is set to launch a new hair care range – Bunches of Fun – later this year.

Hey Duggee

Forced to leave the BBC following sexual harassment allegations in the 2020s of which he was later cleared, Duggee now runs a glamping and yoga retreat business for pets in Yorkshire. He also appeared on a CBeebies Come Dine With Me special last year, coming second behind Mr Tumble.

Go Jetters

Ubercorn
Ubercorn: Mogul or monster?

Following Kyan’s discovery that Grandmaster Glitch was in fact his father and his subsequent departure from the group, Go Jetters continued as a threesome before splitting later that same year. All four continue to be embroiled in a legal battle against Ubercorn who they claim stole millions of pounds of earnings from them whilst working as their manager. Xuli was last seen hosting a popular bingo night in Blackpool called Go Betters.

Postman Pat

Exposed as a serial philanderer and the father of 43 well-meaning but generally incompetent illegitimate children, Pat starred in a number of reality TV shows and now hosts Love Island. Sadly Jess died in 2021 following a haddock overdose.

Sarah and Duck

Divorcing her parents over claims of neglect Sarah became a renowned psychologist, children’s’ rights campaigner and author with her autobiography ‘I’m No Quack’ becoming an international bestseller.

Kate and Mim Mim

Kate and Mim Mim
 Pie

Kate spent much of her teenage years in rehab for an addiction to hallucinogenic drugs. She now runs a pie shop in Wigan, which interestingly lists rabbit pie as one of its specialities.

Nina and the Neurons

The BBC were forced to fire Nina in 2023 when they realised they’d mistaken pigtails for scientific qualifications. Nina went on to set up her own homeopathic medicine business and is said to be good friends with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Raa Raa the Noisy Lion

Raa Raa the Noisy Lion
Last photo of Raa Raa taken moments after poachers struck

Sadly Raa Raa was killed by poachers in 2022. It was alleged at the time that the other animals led poachers to Raa Raa because he was so bloody annoying but this couldn’t be proven and all charges were dropped.

Zingzillas

Whilst the programme was cancelled in 2019 the production company never informed the Zingzillas who, rumour has it, are still on the island banging dustbins with metal pipes in the belief that people are watching them.

Mr Maker

Mr Maker
Any old crap to rich people

The surprising winner of the 2018 Turner Prize with his ‘Slightly Dodgy Margarine Tub Phone’ Mr Maker went on to become a renowned artist selling any old crap to rich people. He is also said to be good friends with Gwyneth Paltrow.

 

Do you know the whereabouts of your favourite kids’ TV personality from yesteryear? Then send an email to williterallydoanythingforabyline@clickbait.com.

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