Now before I start I should probably say that if you’re here for genuine, helpful tips for enjoying a Bank Holiday weekend you’re probably going to want to leave now. Actually can you just stay for a little while so it still counts as a view and not a spammy page bounce. Wait. Wait. Just a little bit longer. Ok. Now you can go. Anyone still there? Great.
So, back to the sarcasm in hand. Bank Holidays. They’re great aren’t they. You’re not in work or if you’re a stay at home/ work at home parent you theoretically have more help from your partner. Unless, of course you’re a single parent or your partner works in a job that doesn’t automatically get Bank Holidays off. But yeah, Bank Holidays are great. All that extra family time. Yep all that great, extra long family time. Am I saying great too much? Obviously family time is the dog’s cahoonas but sometimes, sometimes it can be a bit… well shit. But it doesn’t have to be (well sometimes it does, sorry about that) so in an attempt to help you not finish the weekend in a crumpled heap here are my top ten tips for enjoying the Bank Holiday weekend.
1 Lower Your Expectations
If you only take one thing away from this post let it be this tip. Let me help you with it. Picture your perfect weekend. Now add in some bad weather (see tip 2), a few tantrums, an illness or two, perhaps a good old fashioned barney, a sprinkling of sleep deprivation, well anyway you get the message. Lower expectations = less disappointment (also a good tip for marriage, career, general life).
2. Presume Rain
If your plans revolve around good weather they’re going to be scuppered. It’s Great Britain. It always rains. And if it’s doesn’t rain it will soon. And whatever you do DON’T buy suncream in April – you’re just asking for trouble.
3. Assume People
Sorry to break it to you snowflake but your idea for a fun day out is not unique. Literally hundreds, if not thousands, of other people will be attempting the same thing at the same time. If you just assume the vast majority of your day will be spent tutting, apologising and/or despairing of the human race you’ll be a lot happier.
4. Don’t Plan
This one is tough for me because I hate waking up in the morning not knowing what we’re going to do. The key here is to have a loose plan, a vague idea of something ‘fun’ to do but don’t plan religiously because IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
5. Don’t Promise
Never ever share your plan no matter how loose. Kid’s don’t forget and they will lose their shit if you don’t do what they promised. And that, my friend, is how you end up paddling in the sea whilst eating an ice-cream in the pouring rain on a Bank Holiday Monday.
6. Embrace Technology
Make life easy for yourself and put the telly on. I know, I know, a child doesn’t remember their best day of TV blah blah blah but the chances are they won’t remember hand weaving a Easter bonnet out of organic hemp and the silent tears of their Mother.
7. Just Eat It
All Bank Holidays revolve around food. Fact. So just eat it. Whatever it is you really shouldn’t have. Just shove it all in your greedy little mouth and then have seconds.
8. Don’t Drink and DIY
Put the beer and the hammer down.
9. Take Photos and Filter
The mark of a successful Bank Holiday weekend is the quality of photos you share afterwards. So filter the fuck out of them and feel smug – soft focus them, crop them, Photoshop different children in if you must just fake it.
10. Ignore Everyone Else
Everyone is doing tip 9 so give yourself a break and admire their photo editing not parenting skills.