Next week is it. Our day to bask in the romanticism of motherhood, our day to be adored by those we expelled from our wombs in blaze of glory, our day to be recognised as the maternal Goddesses that we are. It is Mother’s Day. It is our day (unless you’re a Dad reading this, in that case your day is some time in June)*. So to mark this most sacred and monumental occasion on the calendar Whinge Whinge Wine and I are back to bring you the ultimate in Mother’s Day gift lists.
If you’ve read our previous Christmas and Valentine’s gift lists you’ll know we’re not talking about the usual chocolates, flowers and saccharine soaked shizzle. This list is the stuff Mums really want. Really really really want (if you didn’t sing ‘zigga zig ah’ at the end of that sentence are you even human?). This time though, the gift list needed to be so monumental that we couldn’t do it alone so we’ve drafted in the help of some of our most awesome blogging mates and fellow Mums.
So sit down, relax (hahahaha) and enjoy this most epic of Mother’s Day gift list and then perhaps leave it up for your other-half, relative, friend or whoever is actually responsible for making sure you get a present next Sunday.
1. We all know that trying to sneak out of a almost sleeping child’s room is like trying to not fart in pregnancy yoga but with this Full Ninja Uniform you’re in with a good chance. Please note, sword is not included.
2. Sam from Mouse Moo and Me Too has chosen this Stress Ball Paul because, in her own words it is “not just an ordinary stress ball. It’s a stress ball that is shaped to mimic the Gollum-like defeated nature of your very soul.” My precious.
3. Adult colouring books are all the rage and supposed to be soothing for the soul. Personally I prefer unleashing a stream of obscenities at the motherfucking arsehole shitbag cat. So imagine my delight when I discovered you can combine the two with the Sit the F*ck Down and Colour: Adult Swear Word Colouring Book for Stress Relief. Plus, if your children can’t read yet, it’s a lovely activity you can do together.
4. Why are we so desperate for our children to speak? Why the hell do we encourage that nonsense when they then spend the next bajillion years talking endlessly to us about glitter and dinosaurs and… oh I don’t know I gave up listening two years ago. Anyway, Donna at The Sleep Thief’s Mummy has the perfect solution; Noise Cancelling Headphones. You never have to feign interest again.
5. My daughter has two goals in life – to always be talking to me and to always be touching me. We’ve already thwarted goal number one and with this Inflatable Zorbing Human Hamster Ball, goal number two is well and truly thwarted too. Sure it’s a bit on the pricey side… but let’s see you try and stroke my face now kid.
6. Like life, motherhood is all about winning. Just taking part is not an option. In my house, you win or you die trying (Twister gets pretty nasty I can tell you). One thing that Sara at Ballsy Mama is determined to win is the ‘who is the most tired competition’ by proving how much running around and how little sleep she’s getting with a Fitness and Sleep Tracker. FYI for an easy life just agree it’s us. We’re always the most tired.
7. When I was poorly once as a child, I had woken my mum up a few nights in a row and she asked me the next night to wake my Dad up. So I did. Or at least I tried. I remember literally standing at the side of the bed shaking him by the shoulders but still he did not wake. It turns out that this wasn’t just a quirk unique to him but a common phenomenon amongst the menfolk (not all menfolk, of course, props to all those light sleeping fellas). If the Mum in your life shares her bed with a heavy sleeper then this handy Air Horn should do the trick.
8. Wine. It really is the elixir of life for many Mums. But as responsible adults we know that one glass a night is the right choice. The Sleep Thief’s Mummy has really taken this to heart with her second addition to our Mother’s Day gift list in the form of this Ultimate Wine Bottle Glass. See, rejuvenating and responsible.
9. Sticking to the wine theme because I likes it, I rather like the sound of this Wine Handbag which allows you to decant a bottle of wine into an ordinary-looking handbag which you can then take with you anywhere that glass is not allowed such as the cinema, concerts, picnics, soft play, children’s parties, the labour ward…
Oh and as a loyal fan of Fran and mine’s gift lists, you’re probably wondering where the mug is because really what is a gift list without a good mug? Well folks the mug is right here, yep it’s me for falling for this motherhood trick for one day of gratitude. One lousy sodding day.
*If you are neither a Mum or a Dad reading my blog, thanks for the support. I’m not really sure what you get out of it, but I appreciate it.