Ten Best Things About Being Pregnant

It’s safe to say that early pregnancy wasn’t as kind to me this time as it was with the Child. Morning sickness, extreme tiredness, nose bleeds blah blah blah. In fact I wrote a post about it so you could share in my misery. But this week I noticed that most of those horrible symptoms were easing and I started to remember some of the awesome things about being pregnant. Now I’m not talking about all the lovey dovey ‘feeling your baby move is such a precious moment’ reasons. I’m talking full on selfish, this is working out pretty well for me reasons. So in the spirit of balance and so you don’t think I’m always moaning here are my best things about being pregnant:

1. People are nice to you

My experience is that people generally love pregnant ladies (unless you’re drinking or wearing high heels or asserting your employment rights). They’re excited for you, they wish you well and they give you little smiles or encouragement when you’re hauling yourself up a broken escalator. It’s like when you meet people on Christmas morning and smile voluntarily because you’ve had presents and are about to eat your body weight in carbs, except this time you are Christmas. Every day.

2. You get a seat on the train

Because you are now basically Christmas (see point 1) people give you their seat. Now granted this isn’t always the case, especially when you’re in the early ‘is she pregnant or fat’ stage, but generally someone offers. And if they don’t offer, well I just ask. Turns out it’s pretty difficult to say no when a heavily perspiring, red faced pregnant woman asks you for your seat because the miracle of life is blossoming somewhere north of her vagina. Although when I was pregnant the last time someone did say no but then an old lady hit him with an umbrella until he got up. See people are nice.

3. No periods

Oh yes, mother nature can try all she likes but the lining of my uterus isn’t going anywhere for a good few months. Fist pump.

4. You can go to the front of the queue

Now we all know the strict queuing etiquette that we as civilised human beings (read – predominantly British human beings) are governed by (if you don’t it’s basically – don’t crowd me, don’t push in and for the love of god don’t make small talk). But when you’re pregnant none of those rules apply. At an alarmingly small buffet? Get yourself to the front of the queue pregosaurus. Mile long queue at the ladies? Let the knocked up lady through before she pisses on everyone’s shoes.

Best things about being pregnant - greed
Actual footage of me at a recent buffet…

5. You can be greedy

Talking of buffets, I know the NHS says you’re not eating for two (because they email me to tell be ever bloody week) but you need to keep your strength up so no one is going to judge you if you eat two of Sandra’s birthday work cream cakes. And if they do? Just say it’s a craving and then cry in the toilets.

6. Nap Allowance

You’re basically given a prescription for daytime naps. Only a compete and utter bastard would deny you one whenever you ask, even if it’s 20 minutes after you got up from the last one.

7. Unreasonable behaviour is unacceptable

This is the only time you can get away with having full on rage followed by hysterical crying because your other half won’t go to B&Q for a dust sheet. Ask my husband, he’s lived it.

8. Shopping

I know shopping¬†this isn’t everyone’s cup-of-tea but I do love a good shop, especially one that involves lots of sale and secondhand bargains. I got rid of loads of the Child’s baby stuff just so I had an excuse to buy new-old stuff when the next baby came along. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of scrabbling under a trestle table in a church hall whilst 5 months pregnant just to nail a practically brand new play gym for ¬£4.

9. Maternity Leave

I’ve not had the greatest few months at work so the prospect of up to a year without worrying about meeting financial targets and updating strategies and complying with regulations is amazing. First time round I worked up to 37 weeks but this time I’m off from 31 weeks (and still sending the Child into nursery) so I can really make the most of it.

10. You’ve always got an excuse

Don’t want to go to Kevin from Accounts leaving do? Don’t want to take your daughter to the birthday party of that kid in nursery who you can’t remember the name of? Can’t be bothered to write a witty and coherent conclusion to a blog post? Well don’t. You’re pregnant, that’s all the excuse you need. Pick a pregnancy ailment and go with that. And if anyone grumbles then they’re a twat and should be publicly shamed on social media immediately.

So in conclusion, blah blah blah. See point ten – I’ve got sciatica or something…

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