If you’re a blogger you’ll totes know that Mark Warner Holidays have recently announced their Family Ambassador Programme. If you’re not a blogger this means Mark Warner Holidays are choosing five bloggers like me (well not actually like me, more like proper bloggers with readers and unblurry photos) the opportunity to score a holiday in return for writing some awesome shizzle. To enter you have to compile a #MarkWarnerMum mood board of your top ten holiday essentials (hello? lists are kind of my thing).
Now I’m not going to lie, at the moment the chances of us going on a holiday this year beyond our first ever family camping weekend are slim what with maternity pay not including a holiday bonus (appalling)so I’m throwing my wide-brimmed hat in the ring and have created a mood board of the ten essential holiday must-have moods and how you can achieve them without leaving the house.
Mood 1: Anticipation
Pack entire summer wardrobe into a too small box with wheels. If it comes with wedges or without knees it’s in. Change three times a day to justify packing everything and don’t forget your spare brolly, just in case.
Mood 2: Determination turning into despair
Squeeze yourself and your family into a too small box with wheels and wings. Don’t move for at least five hours and eat dubious chicken from a plastic tray.
Mood 3: Celebratory
Drink alcohol at random times of day because you’re on holiday.
Mood 4: Tired
Mimic jet-lag by waking up at 3am every morning and then wanting to curl up and die at 5pm.
Mood 5: Cranky
Turn the heating up until it’s “too hot to do anything” and complain that there’s “no air about”.
Mood 6: Confused
Only watch BBC World or foreign game shows where everyone seems to speak five times quicker than humanly possible and someone gets inexplicably hit round the face with a fish repeatedly.
Mood 7: Horror
Eat out somewhere fancy because you deserve a treat. Remember too the late the horror of taking a toddler anywhere with white table cloths and no chicken nuggets.
Mood 8: Arty
Take silhouette photos on the beach and post to social media with the hashtags #blessed #holidayfuntimes
Mood 9: Queasy
Only drink bottled water just in case tap water causes your throat to close up or your intestines to explode out of your belly button.
Mood 10: Disgust
Turn off the fridge and drink black tea for three days because you can’t keep milk. Finally buy some powdered milk and gain all new respect for your Nan for coping during the war.
Wait, what do you mean that’s not what they meant by a mood board? Even with that creatively crafted header? But I’ve done it now can you just consider it anywa…? Shit.