Being pregnant sucks. I’m sorry it does. I thought it would be all long skirts and bare feet running through meadows. It’s not. Or it certainly hasn’t been for me this time. I’m 16 weeks pregnant now and the only place I’m running to is the bathroom to throw up that one Cheerio my body just couldn’t handle. What a wanker.
But you know me, I’m not one to complain. Except I am and this is my blog so I’m complaining all I bloody well want and I’m doing it in a God damn list of ten. So here it is, the ten worst things pregnancy has brought me this time:
I don’t know about you but when I first went to the doctor and said I’m pregnant I expected them to confirm it. But no, they don’t make you pee in a pot, extract blood or hook you up to a lie detector machine they just believe you.
But what if the little stick was lying? What if I was but now I’m not? What if have a brain tumour which led me to believe I was pregnant but was actually a psychotic episode I no longer have any recollection of? I could totally be making this up for free vitamins and a seat of the bus and no one would know until the 12 weeks scan.
These are all thoughts that ran through my mind daily in the 8 weeks between taking a pregnancy test and having my first scan.
As if the worry that I might have an undiagnosed brain disorder that could result in me making up a pregnancy without realising I’ve made it up wasn’t enough to keep my overactive imagination happy, early pregnancy has given me a whole heap of things to worry about.
Worrying about it being twins or triplets or octuplets. Worrying that we won’t have enough money. Worrying that I won’t cope with the sleep deprivation again. Worrying that it will have reflux again or colic. Worrying that the baby won’t ever take a bottle like the Child and I’ll spend nights crying because I can’t take having something hanging off my boob for hours on end again. Worrying about the amount of tuna I eat. Worrying about telling people too early. Worrying that I’ve spent so much time worrying about that stuff that I haven’t worried enough about the baby actually being alive and healthy. Worrying that the worrying is bad for the baby.
- Disturbed Sleep
It’s hardly surprising with all those perfectly rational and not at all cray cray worries that my sleep has been disturbed. But that’s not the only thing that’s been keeping me awake; backache, not being able to sleep in my usual positions and
general uncomfortableness has led to a lot of tossing and turning. Luckily for me the lovely people at Theraline sent me one of their award-winning original maternity and nursing pillows to try out. It is amazing.
When I was pregnant with the Child I bought a cheapy cheap preggo pillow off EBay and whilst it was extra-long, the girth was nothing to write home about (always a disappointment). It also just had a bog standard poly pillow filling which meant after six months of my big ol’ mama belly squishing it there wasn’t much junk left in the trunk for me to nestle into. My Theraline pillow though is filled with tiny micro beads which means it not only moulds around you it also springs back into shape like a celeb’s post-baby belly. I’ve been using this pillow for about a week and my back isn’t as achey and I’m definitely sleeping better.
The pillow also came in a very convenient carry case which is will come in handy when I lug it on our first ever family camping trip at 7 months pregnant.
Don’t you just love irony? No me neither. But Mother Natures doesn’t give two hoots about me so she’s combining my restless nights with extreme tiredness. Now I’m not talking the ‘ooh wouldn’t it be nice to have a lovely afternoon nap sometime’ type of tiredness, I’m talking the ‘seriously if you don’t let me fall asleep in the public toilet cubicle I will vomit on my shoes and then cry’. Fun.
- Sinus Trouble
Have you ever watched a daytime TV chat show where they video link to someone who lives in a sterile box they haven’t left for ten years because they’re allergic to everything? Well that person is me, except I have to leave the sterile box. I’m literally allergic to life – dust, damp, air freshener, biological washing powder, fabric softner, leather furniture wipes, hair removal cream, every piece of pollen that exists on earth, guinea pig wee, horses, hay, sawdust… I could go on. This all manifests itself in a blocked up nose which usually I can medicate the fuck out of but not when you’re pregnant. No no no. My love of nasal spray is so strong we even had this song at our wedding:
Until now I’ve been constructing a precarious tower of pillows and folded towels to prop up my head up in the desperate attempt to breathe freely. But I’ve discovered Theraline’s Maternity and Nursing Pillow is a perfect prop and doesn’t involve
having your head at a right angle to the rest of your body. Still, I can’t wait to get those misty droplets back up my snout.
The difference between “I’m a bit peckish” and “I’m so hungry my body must expel all goodness via vomit” is about 0.002 seconds. If you’re in my way of food I will kick you and then eat you.
Have I mentioned I’ve had morning sickness? I didn’t have it with the Child and it is the worst. I actually thought it had gone at 10 weeks but it’s made a reappearance this week because God loves a trier.
Last time this photo broke my pregnancy hormones:
This time it’s this:
Soon it will be the Andrex puppy adverts and the Dove Body Confidence campaign because hormones suck.
- Name obsession
Scanning the credits of every TV show and film, Googling every Feminist hero, praying a celebrity doesn’t pick the same name as us. What’s your name? Meh, don’t like that.
- Other’s Opinions
On your size, your choice to find out the sex, what you’re eating or drinking, what you’re not eating or drinking, when you’re planning to finish work, breastfeeding, your size, the age gap between children, your outfits, your size. The list of what everyone else is an expert on is endless. Funny, I don’t actually want to discuss the merits or otherwise of attachment parenting with a drunk on the 8.10am train to Liverpool Central.
So there we have it, my magical parenting journey through the first trimester and beyond. At least I know the answer to the question – will you have any more children?
I was given the Theraline Nursing and Maternity Pillow in return for this review but all words and opinions expressed are my own.