Ten Things 2016 Has Taught Me

It seems a bit of a cliche now to say that 2016 has been a bit of a shit year for me, but it has. I don’t just mean in the general, shared experience way of the number of talented people who have died or the snowballing of political events that have often kept me up at night, although they are bad enough:

On a very personal level this year has been the pits, especially the last few months and if I’m honest the first half of this year is looking tricky but as the great Newt Scamander said in the not so great Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – “worrying means you suffer twice” so I’m not going to wallow but instead, on the last day of 2016, I’m going to focus on what the year has taught me:

  1. I would get sick of hearing “muuuuuuummy” (the elongated vowel is important). 2015 me loved hearing the sweet, rather infrequent chirrup of my daughter calling me. Now I hear it 376,922 times before breakfast and I want to stab myself in the ears.

2. Toddler poo can cover a huge surface area when smeared around a room in the early hours of the morning. And the smell, well I don’t think that ever leaves you or your carpets.

3. Your husband coughing is grounds for divorce. Pretty sure if you read the small print on Brangelina’s divorce papers it reads “Unreasonable behaviour – persistent fucking coughing”.

4. Sometimes your child isn’t pretending to be ill so they don’t have to eat their dinner. Worst case of tonsillitis the GP has seen in a two-year-old anybody? #nailedit

5. People you meet online aren’t all crazy sex predators (some are though – stay safe people) and you can actually meet some pretty awesome friends who share your love of a laboured penis joke and sarcasm.

6. I cared about some famous people more than I thought – Alan Rickman, Victoria Wood, Caroline Aherne. It makes me sad that we won’t see any more characters or worlds created by them.

7. My daughter has an awesome sense of humour. Case in point:

Me: *Reading a cracker joke* What do you get if you eat too many Christmas decorations?

The Child: Gin

Gives you hope for the future doesn’t it?

8. Amazon don’t seem to be suffering as much as I hoped from my boycott – three years and counting.

9. The only motivational quotes I have time for are from Dolly Parton:


10. Starting a blog really does make you write regularly and can stop you losing your marbles even if you are only writing something stupid about CBeebies or Disney characters. It can also give you more inner-confidence than you expect meaning that 2017 may well be the year I went freelance (more of that later).

So there we have it – ten very important life lessons learnt I’m sure you’re agree. What did 2016 teach you?


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