Number 11 – Join My PENIS Campaign

Regular readers of this blog will know that I don’t often get serious but this week something was brought to my attention that I just couldn’t stay silent about; an epidemic that is sweeping the parenting community across the world. A condition so severe it is threatening the very future of our planet and the people within it. You may not have heard of this infliction but you will almost certainly have encountered someone who is experiencing it. Hell you may even be suffering from it yourself.

But what is this disease that has got me so concerned? Known in Latin as Parente Excludere Nihil Ingenium Syndrome, this alarmingly common disorder manifests itself as complete humour loss as a result of parenthood.  First identified by Dr Van Weiner in 1972 very little is still known about the exact cause of PENIS but the consequences can be dire. It doesn’t discriminate; it doesn’t care about race, gender, sexuality, religion or anything else and it can strike without warning.

Imagine never being able to take a joke? Never being able to identify sarcasm in the written word? Being physically unable to click through and read a whole article on social media but instead find yourself compelled to write an inaccurate, patronising and quite frankly bizarre comment? And what makes it worse is that its sufferers, nay victims, are completely incapable of recognising that they have PENIS.


There is no known cure but I am determined to raise awareness of this condition and money to fund research into a PENIS cure. I’ve already got my best boys involved. Jamie Oliver is writing a rap. Chris Martin is putting together a black and white film with flashcards using Coldplay’s Fix You as soundtrack. And Graham Norton is on standby for our televised Christmas telethon.

But I can’t change things alone so I’m imploring you, bloggers and blog readers of the world please get behind this PENIS campaign. Share this blog, tweet using #togetheragainstPENIS or write about your own PENIS experience. Together we can create a web of understanding, support and one day a cure for this truly terrible disease.

Peace, love and good humour friends. May we never take it for granted again.

3 Little Buttons


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  1. I have a lot of personal experience of dealing with PENIS over the years. Sometimes it can be hard. But these days I have come to terms with my PENIS and have learnt to handle it myself because no one else will. It’s important to raise awareness of PENIS so thanks for championing this. #helpmewithmyPENIS

  2. Trying not to let my youngest daughter see me peeing myself laughing in case she asks why I am dissolving into a fit of giggles, or even comes to peek over my shoulder. On a serious note, I do not want my child to have to learn about this terrible affliction and so feel compelled to stand shoulder to shoulder with you to fight against PENIS. May the odds be ever in our favour #togetheragainstPENIS

  3. Ahahahaha, now it all makes sense! I am actually crying with laughter. Yep, I am with you on this #downwiththePENIS The only thing I have slight issue is with your choice of men fronting the campaign, Jamie Oliver can be a bit of a penis, don’t you think 😉 But I’m there! I want a penis pen please! #FridayFrolics

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  5. Haha! This is brilliant! I have encountered many sufferers of PENIS. They often congregate on HuffPost. They sometimes visit my blog. I often feel like the Sixth Sense boy: ‘I see PENIS people. They’re everywhere. They don’t know they’re PENISes.’

    Thanks so much for going us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time.

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