I’m a right nosey nelly so I love reading tag posts and learning a little bit more about a blogger I’ve been stalking following on various social media channels for months. But whilst I’ve been a fan of them for a while this is actually the first time I’ve been ‘tagged’ so a big thank you to Mouse Moo and Me Too for this. The nice thing about this tag is that the person tagged gets to write their own questions so it never gets boring.
Sam of Mouse Moo & Me Too started blogging about the same time as me and I loved reading her blog even before we bonded over Gifs and me accidently calling her husband ‘mate’ on Facebook even though he has no idea who I am. Her blog manages to be both pelvic-floor-muscle-challengingly funny and beautifully poignant and I urge you to read it immediately (well immediately after you’ve read this one).
So without any further ado here is my Sisterhood of the World answers:
- What’s your favourite biscuit?
This is tough one because I love all biscuits (except Rich Tea – I don’t even think they should count as a biscuit, they’re more like punishment) but I’m going to have to go with the Chocolate Hobnob. Not only do they provide the opportunity for some good-natured penis puns they sustain a good dunking and they’re covered in chocolate (incidentally, that’s also how I like my penises – I jest, of course, nothing gets chocolate out of bed sheets).
- If you could choose your first name, what would it be?
I am not a big fan of my first name (Suzanne for anyone that’s wondering), for starters who looks at a baby and thinks ‘ah little baby Suzanne’? Secondly people always assume they can shorten it – “do you mind if I call you Sue/Suze/Suzie?” “Well yes I do mind actually and now I insist you never speak to me again.” Thirdly, no-one can ever pronounce it – “Hi, is that Susan?” “No, it’s Suzanne because there’s a fricking ‘z’, an extra ‘n’ and an ‘e’ in it jackass.”
Anyway, now I’ve got that off my chest I can move on to actually answering the question. When I was a gal about town (for about a fortnight in 2003) I used the name Penelope when I didn’t want creepy men to know my real name so I think maybe I’d go for that. I also quite like my middle name – Rhisa. It’s my Mum’s (and the Child’s) middle name too and apparently comes from someone my Nan knew in the Second World War.
- What should I be watching on Netflix right now?
I’m the worst person to ask this because I tend to watch repeats of shows I’ve already seen like Outnumbered which is even more hilarious now I actually have a Child.
Having said that we have just finished watching Stranger Things, which is a creepy, science fiction-esque horror set in the eighties. A series of disappearances are traced back to a secret government base and a supernatural creature. That makes it sound really shit but it was actually pretty good and it’s got Winona Ryder in it who is always worth a watch.
- If you could play a villain in a film, who would it be?
This is an awesome question but I have absolutely no idea. The Child often refers to me as the Stepmother from Cinderella, so I must have a passing resemblance to her. I’d also like to play Bellatrix Le Strange from Harry Potter because it would be quite fun being someone so bloodthirsty and psychotic. Ooh, I’m on roll now so my third choice would be Miss Trunchball from Mathilda. I had a very (VERY) brief and miserable career as a teacher and would love to throw a few kids round by their pigtails even if it is just pretend.
- Would you rather appear on Gladiators, The Krypton Factor, or Countdown?
Without a doubt Gladiators. That was my number one favourite TV show growing up. I was convinced my Dad was going to be a contestant on it and bought him the training book as a Christmas present. He was chuffed that I truly believed he could do it even though there was absolutely no chance he would. I too would be a shit contestant but I would enjoy making my family hold up placards and chant my name whilst an uber-fit athlete tried to claw me off a wall by my leotard gusset.
- Snog, Marry, Avoid: Duncan from Blue, Joe Wicks, Ant from Ant & Dec.
Now, I read Joe Wicks and immediately thought of Paul Nicholls’ character in Eastenders ala 1996 but now I’m wondering if you mean that Body Coach guy. Either way I’d avoid Duncan from Blue (I’m a loyal Take That fan and no other boy band can replace them), snog Joe Wicks (schizophrenic ‘ender or nutrition guy) and marry Ant from Ant and Dec because I’d get a month’s holiday in Australia every year and I reckon there’d be some cracking parties.
- What’s the best wedding favour you’ve ever received?
I can’t actually remember any wedding favour I’ve received which is one of the reasons we didn’t do them at our wedding (plus we’re tight). I do remember my friend’s wedding that had an open bar though. That was a good night.
- Who’s sitting on your right at your dream dinner party?
Julie Walters. When I was a kid I watched her being unapologetically ridiculous and gross and hilarious with Victoria Wood on telly. It was such a relief to realise that women could be silly and that was ok. She was and is my absolute idol and if I ever met her I would probably weep and then do a really bad “two soups” impression.
Other guests would be Victoria Wood, Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, JK Rowling, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Ryan Gosling could serve the cocktails.
- Would you have botox in the next three years, if it was free?
Absolutely never ever. Thanks to some pretty consistent and low-level bullying when I was a teenager I spent way too much time worried about the way I looked. My nose was too big, my neck was too skinny, my boobs were too small. Those thoughts only ever make you miserable and I honestly don’t think if I changed any of them I would have been any happier. I can’t pretend I love looking at myself in the mirror every morning but I’m done criticising myself and don’t ever want to do it in front of the Child.
- I drink sherry at Christmas. A LOT of sherry at Christmas. Am I a bad person?
I pretty sure the road to hell is paved with sherry.
So there we have it. That’s me. I’d now like to nominate:
And here are your questions. I can’t wait to read your answers.
- If you had to live in a CBeebies show forever which one would you pick?
- What would your superhero power be?
- Who would be on your list of 5 celebrities you’re allowed to have an affair with guilt-free?
- Are you a dog or a cat person?
- Snog, marry, avoid: Damon Albarn, Liam Gallagher and Jarvis Cocker
- If you could win an Olympic gold medal in any sport what would you choose?
- Which one blog post have you read and wished you’d written yourself?
- If you go back in time where would you go?
- What would you like it to say on gravestone?
- I hate Gogglebox and apparently that makes me a humourless monster. What show do you hate that everyone else seems to rave about?