Back in 2012 I was totally obsessed with the London Olympics. I don’t really know why as I’m not much of a sports watcher but the Olympics had me hooked. But the one thing that really annoyed me were the emails that they used to send regularly that had the subject line ‘Be Inspired’. It seemed so presumptuous and authoritarian. And what’s with putting all the pressure on me? So if I’m not inspired it’s my fault? As if I don’t have enough to worry about now I’m suddenly some sort of soulless cyborg because my emotions aren’t stirred by someone shooting an arrow really really straight. Well screw you Olympic committee. SCREW YOU.
Now some people may think I’m reading a little bit too much into these two innocent little words. But you’re wrong. I’m not. And when a new ‘Be Inspired’ turned up randomly in my inbox a few weeks ago I realised how many supposedly ‘inspirational’ things get bandied around, especially on Facebook. I can’t scroll a friend’s cousin’s girlfriend’s profile for two minutes without being faced with a quote that’s meant to make me stop eating honey straight from the jar with my fingers like some sort of Pigletless Winnie the Pooh and ‘seize the day’ or whatever. Well I’m sorry it doesn’t work and to prove it here are my top ten ‘inspirational quotes’ I’ve seen recently and what they really make me feel.
And when it’s quiet look for a toddler doing something it shouldn’t, probably involving paint and your walls.
You’ve obviously never been on a caravan holiday in the Lake District.
Or it’s 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we portray it on Facebook for other people to ‘react’ to it.
Boris Johnson is that you?
Call a taxi, you’ve had enough.
Where the hell is my bloody pony then?
Your dad. When he gets in from work.
Unless you carry on arguing then I’m turning this car around and we’re going straight back home.
To shut up and leave me alone.
And if this post didn’t inspire you then you’re just not trying hard enough.