I’ve just come back from holiday to the devastating news that CBeebies is under threat. I know this type of story does the rounds every so often and true my current state of panic is caused by a couple of tweets and this blog from The Pool’s parent blogger @LizDashwood. But after being without CBeebies for two weeks I feel like the threat is real enough to consider my ten reasons why CBeebies absolutely should not ever be cancelled.
1. Hangover survival. ‘Oh look why don’t you watch Mr Tumble while I dry heave into the kitchen sink?’
2. The Postman Pat Gets Stuck episode is defo worth the licence fee on its own, if only for this actually hilarious double entendre of a scene:
3. I just don’t think enough research has been done into how the hell Chris Jarvis can look EXACTLY the same as he did when he started on kids’ TV over twenty years ago and remain as perky and full of joy as he does. You can keep your star technology, patented advanced serum crap; I want the Jarvis anti-aging cream.
4. Mr Bloom. And, I’m reliably informed by the Husband, Rebecca Keatley.
5. I need to know what Topsy and Tim’s mum and dad* call their new baby. Also will they breast or bottle feed? Will she answer the door to the window cleaner with a boob hanging out? Will they ever put the washing away that’s been hanging on the clothes’ horse in their living room for the last 6 month? These are all important questions that I need answering.
6. It teaches the Child morals that I’m just not sure I’m capable of modelling.
7. They show a ‘day of the week’ song which is handy for keeping track of things. I can’t remember the number of times I was on maternity leave and the song would come on and I was like ‘shit I forgot it was Monday, better put the bins out’.
8. There are no adverts. The only thing CBeebies has ever sold to the Child is jam on toast for breakfast and I’m ok with that.
9. Everything always turns out fine. Before the Child I used to turn to The Archers for my ‘isn’t the world actually rather lovely’ fix but now that’s gone all a bit ‘whoops I’ve stabbed someone in my kitchen’ I’ve turned to CBeebies for the warm fuzzy feeling. I mean Hey Duggee always ends with a hug – what’s not to feel warm and fuzzy about?
10. Mr Bloom. Oh sorry did I already mention him? I can’t think why. Ah well he deserves two spots as he is rather spesh.
If you’re as panic stricken as me about the potential end of CBeebies you can sign the petition here, sob quietly in the corner (at least that way you won’t get bombarded with hundreds of emails from 38 Degrees on a daily basis) or let me know your reasons in the comments.
*look at me pretending I don’t know their names are Joy and Brian when I am totally obsessed with their perfectly chaotic lives