Brought to you by the number ten

Last month I read an article from Netmums that periodically does the rounds listing ’40 signs you are a supermum’. You know one of those lists that promotes itself as being empowering with it’s faux ‘oh we’re all a bit shit at this but at least we’re in it together’ tone but actually makes you feel like a failure because you’re not simultaneously crafting a pipe-cleaner dragon, blending a quinoa and mango smoothie and sculpting a thigh gap. Within the space of a few minutes I saw so many intelligent awesome women share the article lamenting their non-supermum status that I wrote my own list of ten things that make you a supermum and it was so much fun ranting in list form I’ve decided to start a blog doing exactly that.

So And Another Ten Things, just like my offspring, has been spawned from a Facebook post, half a bottle of wine and a seemingly good idea and will intermittently list my thoughts about random things in lists of ten. It’s hopefully not going to be all about the kids because you know I was an actual fully real human person before the Child came along but she does seem to take up a lot of my brain and stuff related to child rearing seems to piss me off the most right now so don’t hold me to that.

And why ten things and not forty like the original article I hear no one ask? Well I am a busy person, with responsibilities and kids don’t remember their best day of blah blah zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Finally in honour of where it all began (and because I can’t think of anything new right now) below is my list of ‘Ten things that make you a supermum’.

WARNING contains many swears and CBeebies earworms.

  1. Your child has eaten something green in the last 24 hours (although probs snot or Playdoh)
  2. You have knickers on and at least one sock
  3. You can get pissed, go to bed at 2am, get up at 6am and watch Justin’s House without scratching your eyes out with a fork
  4. You thought about cleaning the bathroom once
  5. You got your child to sleep at some point in the last two years without any form of sedative
  6. You spelled out ‘arse face’ in alphabetti spaghetti and it was hilarious
  7. You can mash up Single Ladies and Mr Bloom’s Nursery seamlessly without ANY hint of irony
  8. You can clear a space on a train carriage during rush hour armed with just a stare (and a balled up shitty nappy)
  9. You can tell Netmums to shove their lists up their fucking arses
  10. You can list ten things but you choose not to because you’re too busy looking at half naked pictures of Ryan Gosling

What would you make your supermum list? Feel free to add your ideas in the comments below.

 

 

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